My clashes with myself......

As I restlessly lie on my bed and take turns desperately trying for a few hours of peaceful sleep.....I fail at it miserably...get up...prepare for myself the only beverage am good at.a cup of tea...and sit beside my companion laptop and pen down...my aimless wandering thoughts... something solely to serve the purpose of what I call my resurrection...

I am one of the many people god sent on this earth and my deeds surely place me very high in the list of the "you didnt give me this-and-that".

As I introspect.....is the situation really that bad....keeping in mind the umpteen mails I receive with ideas full of how to stay happy...what you should be doing...exercising....reading...singing..dancing...watching movies...list goes on.. and on and on......

A few weeks ago was disappointed with myself not being selected in the coveted IIM'S..as I was pretty sure..I was deserving ...but now as I am about to join a good B- school..which might be a dream for some other guy.... did I deserve that?

There were so many people close to me...who stood by me during my tough times...but did I ever care to return the favor.....Surely it was’nt a solo effort on my part...

I seriously wish ..how much elated I would have been had I given importance to few simple things in my life....

Had I went out with my dad and spoke open heartedly with him...about what he perceived of life...what wish he has till date that has eluded him in spite of his hard efforts...shared a beer or two with him...just be a friend with him...

Talk it out with my mom with care and affection being reflected in my tone.(myself being one of the rudest son ever).

Have a chat with my younger brother...asking how he is feeling, enjoying and going about the college days when I myself was clueless....

Have an easy going smooth talk with sister rather than pestering her repetitively with my irritating demeanor......

Call a friend after a long time... forgetting the ego clashes… asking sincerely about his health and talking about those college days..

It's cliche to say that it’s never too late...... but it's really hard to act on such simple things... as of now... I hope for the last chance.. I won’t procrastinate this time..... because I know there won’t be many opportunities beckoning my path. The resurrection begins....where I will follow my heart….

har kisi ko muqammal jahaan nahi milta....

kisi ko zameen...kisi ko aasmaan nahi milta...

main jeeta nahi hun abhi tak mere dost....

par tujhe bhi mujhmein haar ka nishaan nahi milta...

Something I felt like sharing...

There I was cooking Maggi in the kitchen…. When she called….Sana..it was…

Sana: “ Kahan ho!!!! Ok Jahan bhi ho….meet me at the beach in 10 mins”….and then it went off..

K: Glad to see that I am so much in control of my life….

I went in the room…. hired the new T – shirt of my roomie.. without his consent…oblivious of the thrashing I would get….. dry cleaned myself to a satisfactory level…. Rode my bike and reached the beach….

There she was… standing … with a setting sun in the background… wearing a beautiful cream dress…..a slight smile on her face…. her hair curls being disturbed by the slight breeze blowing….her graceful eyes shining….. “Bade punctual Ho!!...nice…”

** Nice start to the evening ….I thought…

Sana:” I m leaving for Chandigarh tomorrow for a week… so thought of meeting you before I go”

We started walking beside the sea…

Sana: “ I wanna have Baraf ka gola….”and before I could utter a feeble Yes or No there she was at the stall…” Bhaiya ek kala khatta bana na”.

**( There was something charismatic about her that was captivating me ….her decent looks….her mellifluous voice… her hazel eyes…..were good….. infact reallllllly good… but there was a sense of cheerfulness in her demeanor that was urging me closer to her.)

Sana: “ Tum kaunse wala loge?”

K: “ Bhaiya ek meetha laal banado”

Sana:” Nahi nahi..Pagal Ho kya..Kala khatta hi banado….I will share with u..if u dnt like it..”

** we took our golas and were walking by the boundary …. Sea water trying to catch up with us…

Sana:” Let’s make sand castle.. Tumhe aata hai na bana na?....tum to engineer hona….”

**As if all engineers are same- Civil, Mechanical, Electronics…….”…I thought…. “ haan haan bana deta hoon”

**As if being asked by an enigmatic supernatural power the task which Shah Jahan did for his Mumtaz…. I started with my own castle. Under the supervision of what could be my friend…or prospective girl friend….. or future mumtaz J I worked meticulously….careful of sea water that might roleplay Tsunami and do a whitewash….

Though what I made was far from the original Taj …. but quite a replica of the ruined Mohenjodaro civilization model……..

K:” I am done with it….” And looked at her..

Sana: ** she gave a disgusted look as if she has been forcefully asked to listen to Himesh Reshammiya singing “ Aap Ka Suroor” in his typical nasal voice..

K:” What?”

Sana:” You are worthless…”

** I was sad on being placed at such an exalted position….

“ Lets repair it…” and she sat beside me—taking my hands in hers. My heart skipped beating for a second…goosebumps rising on my arms…a knot tied in my throat….. speechless… ..I was.

.She started revamping my riyasat…. When a small Ronaldinho Sardar kid bombarded my palace..with a soccer ball.

----“Goal” he shouted…

Before I could react..I saw Sana hugging and cuddling the kid .” Aawww.. u r so cute ”

“What is your name?”

Envious…. Burnt to the bottom of the heart( similar to bhartha) I stood there stranded in the remains of my castle…..dejected..

Some mystic force ..playing the number…” Chhan se jo toote koi sapna…jag soona soona lage re”

K: “Let’s go”

And she parted away from my nemesis not before giving him a million dollar kiss on his cheeks…… Damn!!!

With sun almost being swallowed by the vast sea…….I feared the dreaded inevitable

” Ab Mujhe Chalna Chahiye” would be coming soon….

I walked with her…hoping for the last chance…..

I was quiet as I have been the whole evening …We reached a spot that was fairly secluded…Perfect…

I did the last analysis of what could be the repercussions of the 3 stupid words I was about to utter..

Case 1: “Yes !!! me too…. Itna time lagta hai kya bolne mein….” Probablity: .001

Case 2: “No… a plain brute no with a spear puncturing my heart” Probablity: .124

Case 3: “No.i always thought we were only friends” **. a sweet poison for me

Probablity: .250

Case 4: “ Thappad!!!!.... Bade badtameez ho tum!!!!!” Probablity: .625

Grand total of my whole life depending statement= 1.000

And then she spoke… her voice sounding like sweet elixir…. Her one hand running through my hair from back…..and other barricading my lips…(as if she doesn’t want me to interrupt the scene at this crucial juncture..)… coming closer to me..she whispered in my ears….

Sana: “ I think I like you…or rather I should say I ____ You”

Bang!!!!

*** and then it rang!!!

My good for nothing cell phone ringing its good for nothing ringtone...with my Sis calling –on what could have been the best Sunday morning of my life…. Saying

“ Abhi tak so raha hai Idiot !!!!”

PS: Comments invited….might help in the upbringing of this amateur blogger…

The start....

Ketan Verma

This blog is something which I wanted to write into a lot earlier than this day….anyways better late than never..so here it goes….

wwwscatteredpages.blogspot.com

· Ketan ..aka ..” Vinni”.

· Aquarian born on 18^th Feb ’86 in Chandigarh..

· About me; From the mouths full of wisdom rich voice.. :

Mom says: ‘Careless’…Dad says: ‘Confused’....Bhai says: ‘Pagal hai’….

Sis says: ‘Sadiyal’…Frnds say: ‘yaar hai apna’

Personal opinion: A messed up soul…

· Biggest –ve trait-“I Procrastinate”..though it rhymes but it a’int a sweet sounding thing..Of all the –ves that can harm a person I was born with an instinct to delay and delay and delay…. ……..This sluggish trait of mine has not hurt me that badly till date but before the lady luck decides to teach me a lesson ..I will start working….n I will start working from tomorrow…and I realize I just delayed the resurrection…..

· Sports is drug to me…n I m an addict……with a probability close to

Aryabhatta’s gift 0 of being rehabilitated.

· Some life’s I admire:

Sachin: God needs no intro…..

Rafael Nadal: Aggression and plain refusal to go down….

Lance Armstrong: You can win till the time u r dead…..

Warren Buffet: The Fin…Genius

Lokesh: My friend…a bro…

· Won’t die before doing:

--A meet with Lance Armstrong- Fodu hai ye banda

--Completing 2 challenges someone close once set me-

One I completed….Striving hard for other one….

Looking forward to write my heart out in the scattered pages of my life..

Vinni