My clashes with myself......

As I restlessly lie on my bed and take turns desperately trying for a few hours of peaceful sleep.....I fail at it miserably...get up...prepare for myself the only beverage am good at.a cup of tea...and sit beside my companion laptop and pen down...my aimless wandering thoughts... something solely to serve the purpose of what I call my resurrection...

I am one of the many people god sent on this earth and my deeds surely place me very high in the list of the "you didnt give me this-and-that".

As I introspect.....is the situation really that bad....keeping in mind the umpteen mails I receive with ideas full of how to stay happy...what you should be doing...exercising....reading...singing..dancing...watching movies...list goes on.. and on and on......

A few weeks ago was disappointed with myself not being selected in the coveted IIM'S..as I was pretty sure..I was deserving ...but now as I am about to join a good B- school..which might be a dream for some other guy.... did I deserve that?

There were so many people close to me...who stood by me during my tough times...but did I ever care to return the favor.....Surely it was’nt a solo effort on my part...

I seriously wish ..how much elated I would have been had I given importance to few simple things in my life....

Had I went out with my dad and spoke open heartedly with him...about what he perceived of life...what wish he has till date that has eluded him in spite of his hard efforts...shared a beer or two with him...just be a friend with him...

Talk it out with my mom with care and affection being reflected in my tone.(myself being one of the rudest son ever).

Have a chat with my younger brother...asking how he is feeling, enjoying and going about the college days when I myself was clueless....

Have an easy going smooth talk with sister rather than pestering her repetitively with my irritating demeanor......

Call a friend after a long time... forgetting the ego clashes… asking sincerely about his health and talking about those college days..

It's cliche to say that it’s never too late...... but it's really hard to act on such simple things... as of now... I hope for the last chance.. I won’t procrastinate this time..... because I know there won’t be many opportunities beckoning my path. The resurrection begins....where I will follow my heart….

har kisi ko muqammal jahaan nahi milta....

kisi ko zameen...kisi ko aasmaan nahi milta...

main jeeta nahi hun abhi tak mere dost....

par tujhe bhi mujhmein haar ka nishaan nahi milta...